I never win anything

If you bought and read “The Secret” you know my title will be honored by the universe as a desire, and I will now never win anything as long as I live…not like I did anyway.

I buy lottery tickets because my mom always told me that I can’t win if I don’t play. She had a point, but she also played the lottery every week and didn’t win a thing, so is her advice something I should follow? The larger question is did she pass her inability to win onto me…a curse.

I play random numbers. She used family birth dates. I don’t play birth dates. One reason is I know my family…if I win and they find out I used their birthdate they’d take me to court and demand their cut of the winnings…and the way the court system works they could succeed in getting a cut plus damages.

I also limit myself to five dollars. I stood behind a man buying a thousand dollars worth of tickets once…it took forever…and who has a thousand dollars to spend on lottery tickets? He looked like a Mafia member on vacation…Hawaiian shirt unbuttoned, exposing his hairy body and thick gold chains…cigar hanging out of the breast pocket…thick sandals…silk Tommy B shorts…Ray Bans… manicured nails with clear polish…big ring on each finger… wads of cash…New Jersey accent.

The next morning the local news ran a story on the winner… an old woman who had won twice before…bet the thousand dollar guy was ticked…then again maybe he didn’t even notice. The woman had now won the lottery three times…three. When they interviewed her she said, “I always win…I win every raffle and contest I enter…slot machines love me…I’ve always been a winner, so I decided to start buying lottery tickets.” The state needed to institute a one win limit. With her playing no one stood a chance…if she stepped up next to me at a blackjack table in Vegas I would throw down my cards, take my drink and leave the casino.

I buy raffle tickets and throw my section in the trash…enter the HGTV Dream House contest every day, on multiple sites, then plan dinner out on the night of the reveal because I know they won’t be knocking on my door… search the internet for opportunities for a kitchen, bathroom, yard makeover and a chance at Curb Appeal knowing that the fact that I’m in a rental doesn’t matter…I won’t win. I know if I threw myself at Ahmad and begged him to crash our yard he would shove me aside and tell me I’m a looser and I deserve the weeds and crumbling deck in my back yard.

I took “The Secret” to heart this year and decided to change my self-defeating attitude… I tell myself I’m a winner…I want to be that little old lady. I don’t say I “want” anything because my desire will be granted and I’ll want forever, but never have. I never say I “need” because then need it’ll be and have will be shoved aside. I’ve chopped my desire vocabulary to nothing and am now focusing on declaring myself a winner who has it all.

The voices in the depths of my brain don’t always co-operate…I hear them mumbling…”You know you want that…you really need those…you’ll never win, but try…looser.” … but I’m shouting over the  chatter and declaring myself a winner.

So far it isn’t working…I haven’t starting winning anything…what has changed is feeling like I need to compete in the want and need marathon… I already have it all… so why bother entering a contest or buying a ticket to win things I don’t need…that’s the secret.

About knowitallnanna

Been on a journey... continuing it because the alternative is not acceptable to me right now. View all posts by knowitallnanna

3 responses to “I never win anything

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